Location: Terminator: Dawn Of A New Hope

Discussion: New Fan-Fic by AkujiReported This is a featured thread

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Akuji
Akuji
New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 1 2008, 4:17 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 1 2008, 4:17 PM EDT
Hey,
Just started out on a new Fan-Fic for you guys to (hopefully) enjoy.
Loosly based on an interesting dream I had last week, we see the story of John and Cameron and their struggle against Skynet.
Still in early stages at the mo with only 2 chapters completed, but I wanted to get some opinions before I take this further, plus I am still in need of grief counciling after the death of Alison :(.
So providing this gets a good response and my grief counciling is a success then there will plenty more chapter to follow.
Thanks in advance for your support, and I hope you enjoy the story.

Also I wanted to say a special thanks to Veran for acting as my little guinea pig for these 2 chapters, without your opinions I probably would have been too shy to post this :P. So thank you very much!
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Akuji
Akuji
1. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 1 2008, 4:22 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 1 2008, 4:22 PM EDT
Might help if I add the link *slaps head*
http://terminatorwiki.fox.com/page/Terminator%3A+Dawn+Of+A+New+Hope
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Akuji
Akuji
2. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 1 2008, 6:54 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 1 2008, 6:54 PM EDT
Giving this a little bump cus I'm eager to see some opinions before i start chapter 3.
C'mon guys wheres the love :(
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Veran
3. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 2 2008, 12:01 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 2 2008, 12:01 PM EDT
Don't worry, people are less inclined to post fan fic opinions on this site for some reason. Hell, it was ages before I got my first reply, but you'll gather a few loyal readers in time. Being a new story, you're probably below the recent events in terms of interest, so I'll spread the word, get some people interested. Do you find this valuable?    
RSA-8000
RSA-8000
4. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 2 2008, 2:09 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 2 2008, 2:09 PM EDT
So far I think its great. I'm looking forward to the next chapter Do you find this valuable?    
MyImmortal
MyImmortal
5. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 2 2008, 2:12 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 2 2008, 2:12 PM EDT
Summer, those jeans really do define your "assets" OMG!! o.o Do you find this valuable?    

Jerh
6. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 2 2008, 3:17 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 2 2008, 3:17 PM EDT
I realy like it, good job. I love action stories that through the little love story in them such as John and Cameron I mean its a love that shouldnt happen and makes you want it to happen even more, still dont know if you are going to take it in that directiion or not but regardless great job. Do you find this valuable?    
Akuji
Akuji
7. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 2 2008, 6:23 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 2 2008, 6:23 PM EDT
Thanks guys, much appreciated.
Only thing that doesn't work is John's dialogue (thanks to LuckiiBeckii) for pointing it out.
Only problem with being English.... it's hard to come up with believable american dialogue, so before I start chapter 3 I will be watching some episodes to get a real good picture of John in my head (and maybe go and have a play with his current dialogue in chapters 1 and 2).
Do you find this valuable?    

Veran
8. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 2 2008, 7:05 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 2 2008, 7:05 PM EDT
"Thanks guys, much appreciated.
Only thing that doesn't work is John's dialogue (thanks to LuckiiBeckii) for pointing it out.
Only problem with being English.... it's hard to come up with believable american dialogue, so before I start chapter 3 I will be watching some episodes to get a real good picture of John in my head (and maybe go and have a play with his current dialogue in chapters 1 and 2)."
Here's a little John/Cameron exchange that's off the top of my head:

[John tosses and turns on the mattress and eventually gives up trying to sleep. He looks up to see Cameron standing in the dark, staring out of the window]

Cameron: You're awake.

John: Well maybe I'd sleep easier if you weren't standing there like a statue. Can't you sit down or something?

Cameron: I am not required to sit. I can just as easily stand still.

John: Yeah, I noticed. Look, just pull up a chair or something. I'm wrecked and I need my usual three hours sleep.

Cameron: You need a minimum of five to function properly.

John: Well I'm not gonna get anywhere near that amount unless you sit down, so...

[Cameron drags a chair over to the mattress and sits down with her hands in her lap. John shifts uncomfortably as she just stared at him]

John: Now what are you doing?

Cameron: Watching you. If I can't look out of the window then I'll have to keep an eye on you instead.

John: That's great, so no sleep for me after all. You're worse than my Mom, at least she only watches me when I'm already asleep.

Cameron: I could close my eyes, if that helps.

John: It might.

[Cameron closes her eyes but two dim blue lights shine through her lids]

John: Tell you what, I think I've lost all enthusiasm for sleep now.

That's a rough take on their current dynamic in your story. I hope this helps you to understand John's mindset.
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Akuji
Akuji
9. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 2 2008, 7:35 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 2 2008, 7:35 PM EDT
Thanks. Thats really good, especially for something thats just come off the top of your head.
I will be spending much time analysing John to try and perfect him. Since I think I've pretty much worked out the rest of my characters in the story.
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Veran
10. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 7 2008, 12:36 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 7 2008, 12:36 PM EDT
Patiently awaiting the next chapter. With TSCC on haitus for 2 weeks, we all need something else to occupy our attention. :) Do you find this valuable?    
Akuji
Akuji
11. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 7 2008, 8:02 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 7 2008, 8:02 PM EDT
Chapter 3 is now uploaded and ready. It is called "The City Of Angels," only a short chapter, so dont worry chapter 4 will follow closely behind.
Enjoy.
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Akuji
Akuji
12. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 7 2008, 8:03 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 7 2008, 8:03 PM EDT
Forgot the link again cus I have the brainspan of a rocking horse :P

http://terminatorwiki.fox.com/page/Chapter+03%3A+The+City+Of+Angels
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Veran
13. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 7 2008, 8:48 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 7 2008, 8:48 PM EDT
"Forgot the link again cus I have the brainspan of a rocking horse :P

http://terminatorwiki.fox.com/page/Chapter+03%3A+The+City+Of+Angels"
[Sigh]

When will gun shop owners learn not to sell their merchandise to Terminators. Those guys never pay for their goods and don't expect to be given a tip either, unless a courtesy brain burster counts as a tip. ;)

Eagerly awaiting the next chapter. :)
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Akuji
Akuji
14. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 9 2008, 4:39 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 9 2008, 4:39 PM EDT
Chapter 4 is now uploaded and ready for viewing, It's called "The Beginning Of The End?"
http://terminatorwiki.fox.com/page/Chapter+04%3A+The+Beginning+Of+The+End%3F
Enjoy :)
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Veran
15. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 9 2008, 5:27 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 9 2008, 5:27 PM EDT
"Chapter 4 is now uploaded and ready for viewing, It's called "The Beginning Of The End?"
http://terminatorwiki.fox.com/page/Chapter+04%3A+The+Beginning+Of+The+End%3F
Enjoy :)"
Yet another brilliant chapter.

One little nitpick though, and I apologize in advance, but you might want to be wary of repetitive words ("consume"). Other than that, good job. :)
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Akuji
Akuji
16. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 9 2008, 5:42 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 9 2008, 5:42 PM EDT
Thanks for the advice.
As I'm sure you know it can be hard trying to come up with multiple variations for the same action, and sometimes you find yourself getting lazy :P.
Since it has been noticed I will look into it tho.
Glad you enjoyed the chapter, the next one should follow soon.
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Tystick357
Tystick357
17. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 9 2008, 5:49 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 9 2008, 5:49 PM EDT
I read the first few chapters, well done. I'll read the others lately.

Although I wasn't looking to nitpick at all, I usually just read for the enjoyment.
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Tystick357
Tystick357
18. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 9 2008, 5:49 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 9 2008, 5:49 PM EDT
oops, *later

Where's an edit button when you need one?
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Akuji
Akuji
19. RE: New Fan-Fic by Akuji
Oct 9 2008, 6:00 PM EDT | Post edited: Oct 9 2008, 6:00 PM EDT
lol I know, thats my only nitpick about this site :P.
Also of course I welcome all constructive criticism with open arms, so long as it isn't put across in an immature fasion like "This sucks ass" or summin like that, then its all good.
And thanks to Veran's little nitpick I managed to find a decent Synonym site if ever I need some word variations.
Managed to update the consume example given too, and yes it may only be small but it does make a difference :)
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