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JMHthe3rd |
40. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Feb 26 2009, 5:06 PM EST
| Post edited: Feb 26 2009, 10:54 PM EST
I updated the chapter a bit and posted it on FF.net. I'd like to thank metroid13 for his criticism on this chapter. He's helped a lot.I've added roughly six hundred words, and changed some of the actions, so you may want to read it again if you haven't already. This is the "alpha" version. Let me know what you think. Also spruced up Chapter Nine again. Do you find this valuable? |
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JMHthe3rd |
41. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 8 2009, 2:02 PM EDT
| Post edited: Mar 18 2009, 7:13 PM EDT
All right, I've put up Chapter Eleven: Souls and Machines.http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4809923/11/In_the_Hands_of_an_Angry_Machine Let me know what you think. Do you find this valuable? |
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ClaudeFTW |
42. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 8 2009, 2:27 PM EDT
Your best chapter yet :)Just please...make Sarah understand that Cam is more...it would be a nice change of pace ;p Do you find this valuable? |
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TK-MR |
43. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 8 2009, 2:31 PM EDT
"All right, I've put up Chapter Eleven: Souls and Machines.Up FF.net! ^^ Do you find this valuable? |
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JMHthe3rd |
44. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 8 2009, 3:08 PM EDT
"Up FF.net! ^^"It is on FF.net. Do you find this valuable? |
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TK-MR |
45. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 8 2009, 3:12 PM EDT
| Post edited: Mar 8 2009, 3:13 PM EDT
"It is on FF.net."Heh, already finished read it here. Very nice work! Excellence chapter. really right or wrong, it's relatively... relative... Cam could be wrong, Sarah could be wrong... could John be right?... Do you find this valuable? |
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Pharazon |
46. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 8 2009, 3:28 PM EDT
Excellent work, JMH. Really enjoyed that chapter.Do continue! =) Do you find this valuable? |
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john121984 |
47. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 8 2009, 5:42 PM EDT
Great chapter. I wonder how things are going to play out between John and Kyle, With John and Cameron's relationship developing?
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DeadpooI |
48. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 8 2009, 6:37 PM EDT
"Let me know what you think."Amazing. Powerful. Two-thumbs up. Do you find this valuable? |
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Zable_Fahr |
49. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 8 2009, 7:05 PM EDT
Brilliant chapter, JMH. I can't wait to read the next one! I'm sure I've said this before, but it's worth repeating: I just love your take on the characters. They all just seem to fit, and I think it's really cool that you pulled that off!
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JMHthe3rd |
50. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 8 2009, 7:46 PM EDT
Thanks for the comments.The next chapter will deal more with the ancillary characters, like Riley and Ellison, and probably Weaver too. Do you find this valuable? |
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JMHthe3rd |
51. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 15 2009, 4:57 PM EDT
| Post edited: Mar 18 2009, 7:14 PM EDT
Well, "Chapter Twelve: The World's Behind You", is up.http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4809923/12/In_the_Hands_of_an_Angry_Machine It's was an odd chapter to write, but I'd been planning it since the beginning. I just had to wait until the right moment. Let me know what you think. Do you find this valuable? |
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Canuckinator |
52. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 15 2009, 7:13 PM EDT
Correct me if I am wrong but based on the footnotes from your most recent chapter, I assume that the character of Souji Mikage is inspired by/an homage to the duelist of the same name from The Black Rose Saga?
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JMHthe3rd |
53. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 15 2009, 7:16 PM EDT
| Post edited: Mar 15 2009, 7:48 PM EDT
"Correct me if I am wrong but based on the footnotes from your most recent chapter, I assume that the character of Souji Mikage is inspired by/an homage to the duelist of the same name from The Black Rose Saga?"Yes, from Revolutionary Girl Utena. Not really the same character (and *my* Mikage doesn't have pink hair), but their personalities are similar. And yeah, I know this is the "Desert Cantos" of my fic, but I needed for the plot later. There won't be any more like this. At least not for a long while. Do you find this valuable? |
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Canuckinator |
54. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 15 2009, 7:57 PM EDT
"Yes, from Revolutionary Girl Utena. Not really the same character (and *my* Mikage doesn't have pink hair), but their personalities are similar.I'm glad I wasn't far off the mark. I'm also glad you confirmed the hair colouring, as my initial thought was "Is this the same Mikage I'm thinking of and if so why isn't anyone commenting on his hair...doesn't it seem a tad...strange...for 1967 America?". As for the chapter: I didn't think it was bad, wordy perhaps, but not bad. I am interested to see where the Mikage storyline leads. Prophet of the Apocalypse? Do you find this valuable? |
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JMHthe3rd |
55. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 15 2009, 8:19 PM EDT
"I'm glad I wasn't far off the mark. I'm also glad you confirmed the hair colouring, as my initial thought was "Is this the same Mikage I'm thinking of and if so why isn't anyone commenting on his hair...doesn't it seem a tad...strange...for 1967 America?".yeah, I made a note in the A/N that his hair is not pink. In animes I treat the hair color like I treat the HUDs in the T-universe: as a sort of visual device for the benefit of the audience -- but not literally real. Just an interpretation, really. And yeah, I think I did go a little overboard with the wordiness. But then I wanted these characters to not seem totally "stock," so I made an effort to get into their heads. But yeah, Paul's did go on a bit, but I wanted to create the "scene" before Mikage showed up. Do you find this valuable? |
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Canuckinator |
56. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 15 2009, 8:26 PM EDT
"And yeah, I think I did go a little overboard with the wordiness. But then I wanted these characters to not seem totally "stock," so I made an effort to get into their heads.I've got no problems with wordiness, especially if it helps develop an ongoing story. You can often learn a lot more about a character listening to them talk over a coffee and a cigarette vs. chasing them down an alley at gunpoint. Do you find this valuable? |
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scrat12 |
57. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 16 2009, 2:43 PM EDT
Damn. Just stumbled across the page history of ch.12. Now this "moderator" has raped YOUR story as well? What the fuck !???
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DeadpooI |
58. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 16 2009, 2:48 PM EDT
I've put a hex on your fanfic. If people, other than yourself (obviously), touch it then they explode violently.Hope it works, I'm about 93% confident in my fledgling "booby-trap, interwebz hex" skills. That'll be £12.99, thank you. Do you find this valuable? |
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scrat12 |
59. RE: JMHthe3rd's First Fan Fiction
Mar 16 2009, 2:56 PM EDT
| Post edited: Mar 16 2009, 2:59 PM EDT
"I've put a hex on your fanfic. If people, other than yourself (obviously), touch it then they explode violently.Hmmm. This explains something... It wasn't the exciting story AFWFF that made your body explode after all. It was an early version of your booby-trap ;-) Do you find this valuable? |