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Discussion: Subtle Jameron fanfic
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ScotWithOne_t |
40. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 1:30 PM EDT
| Post edited: Jun 25 2009, 1:32 PM EDT
I've read about half of this one... I'm up to the part where they jump back to 2009 and are sitting Weavers's house room. It's decent, but there are a couple things I have to gripe about:I don't quite understand where you're going with John's character. He goes to the future, and seems to grow up a bit, but as soon as he's reunited with Cameron, he turn back into the same bumbling idiot. Taking a bullet for Cameron?? WTF? Luckily it only hit him in the arm! He could very well be dead because of that bone-head move. Also, John has time traveled 3 times now, and seen Cameron's yum-yums at least twice before, so I don't get the whole "i'm so embarrased and have to look away and find clothes quick so she doesn't see my shrinkage!" (I'm guessing that part was thrown in there for a little humor though, so I'll give you a pass on that). But still... I can't believe he'd be more concerned about his modesty than getting a bullet out of his arm. My bigger gripe is the whole over-excited-meltdown-preventing-shutdown-failsafe from Cameron. Seriously? What kind of worthless Terminator is she? Shutting down in the middle of a battle is suicide, and would be a horrific design flaw. She never did anything like this in the show, so I have to assume this is some result of her damaged chip, or something JH programmed into her. Do you find this valuable? |
ElusiveSanity |
41. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 3:16 PM EDT
Hm. Sorry I'm not up to your expectations of master writer and character developer here. I guess other people master the craft by chapter 2 of their first story, right?
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randomicity912 |
42. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 3:41 PM EDT
I'm loving it so far. 120 seconds... LMAO!!!Keep up the good work! Do you find this valuable? |
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ElusiveSanity |
44. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 4:01 PM EDT
"I'm loving it so far. 120 seconds... LMAO!!!LOL I think I have an entire fanbase converted because of that scene... Check back later. Chapter 17 is almost finished. It might even actually end up being the last installment of this particular story... Then the sequel begins... BUT we'll see ;-) I honestly don't know... it all just flows out and surprises me. Do you find this valuable? |
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kaotic |
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Forbus |
46. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 4:05 PM EDT
| Post edited: Jun 25 2009, 4:06 PM EDT
"Forbus... wow."*bows* Thank you, thank you...I'm here all century Do you find this valuable? |
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kaotic |
47. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 4:07 PM EDT
| Post edited: Jun 25 2009, 4:10 PM EDT
"LOL I think I have an entire fanbase converted because of that scene... Check back later. Chapter 17 is almost finished. It might even actually end up being the last installment of this particular story...Awesome- I hope the sequel won't take long to be released. This is one of my favorite stories. Do you find this valuable? |
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ElusiveSanity |
48. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 4:10 PM EDT
"Awesome."Yeah... we'll see how you think when it's posted. It's a huge curve ball from left field. I like it tho... kinda like a surprise attack..... Do you find this valuable? |
Cammynator |
49. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 5:07 PM EDT
"LOL I think I have an entire fanbase converted because of that scene... Check back later. Chapter 17 is almost finished. It might even actually end up being the last installment of this particular story...Good, cus all I have left now is fanfiction, and yours is one of my favorites. Keep up the good work Do you find this valuable? |
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ScotWithOne_t |
50. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 5:08 PM EDT
"Hm. Sorry I'm not up to your expectations of master writer and character developer here. I guess other people master the craft by chapter 2 of their first story, right?"I wasn't running you down. I was complaining about a bad move that the character made. Kind of like how people would complain about John being "mean" to Cameron in S2... it wasn't that people were complaining about the writers, they were just frustrated with the character at that point. As was my reaction to John taking a bullet for Cameron. I was thinking "John, you moron! What did you do that for??" The only critique I am offering the writer is to keep an eye on characterization consistency. If Weaver brought John to the future to toughen him up, then either her plan didn't work so well and John still DOES have some growing up to do, or that act was inconsistent with his character at this point. As for Cameron's shut-down... this is quite inconsistent with what was on the show. If you're taking liberties, that's fine, but it could use a bit more explanation. And like I said, I have only read up to the 2009 time-jump, so maybe you DO explain this phenomenon and where it came from a bit more and I just haven't gotten there yet. Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh in my first post. I'm only trying to give constructive criticism that can be used as a tool to refine your writing skills. Do you find this valuable? |
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m1919 |
51. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 5:08 PM EDT
| Post edited: Jun 25 2009, 5:09 PM EDT
"Good, cus all I have left now is fanfiction, and yours is one of my favorites. Keep up the good work"QFT, Cammynator. It's what I exist on when I have nothing to do. Do you find this valuable? |
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DeadpooI |
52. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 5:11 PM EDT
"Good, cus all I have left now is fanfiction, and yours is one of my favorites. Keep up the good work"YOU! I spent ages downloading KOTOR II because YOU said there was a mod to reintroduce all the stuff that George "My Neck is Fat Because It's Stuffed With Evil Money" Lucas forced out of the game! YOU lied to me! Do you find this valuable? |
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Cammynator |
53. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 5:16 PM EDT
"YOU!Sometimes I lie to you. About important things. Srsly now, you just have to look for it. I got the mod from torrents. If you want it now, just go to msn and I'll send it to you. And it does not add everything that was cut. It adds some stuff. Do you find this valuable? |
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DeadpooI |
54. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 5:18 PM EDT
"Sometimes I lie to you. About important things.Good stuff? And Wookieepedia says it hasn't been released. (Yes - I actually went there to check. *Showers.*) Anyway, Jameron fanfiction wins. Do you find this valuable? |
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Cammynator |
55. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 5:26 PM EDT
"Good stuff?It adds a new faction that is trying to kill you, you can kill visas when you meet nihilus (there is an option to be his padawan, sidekick, partner, whatever), you can duel sion near the end with Atton, new cutscenes before something (that was already in the not-modded game) happens, and some more that I don't remember. Plus Deadpool, you can mod the shite out of that game. Add other characters (replacing others), customized lightsaber hilts, armors, weapons, planets, etc. Do you find this valuable? |
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PyroDude |
56. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 5:42 PM EDT
"Hm. Sorry I'm not up to your expectations of master writer and character developer here. I guess other people master the craft by chapter 2 of their first story, right?"I think Scot does have a point about the shut down during combat. That could be fixed though with a retcon. She could write a new program for herself to better regulate her power supply. Do you find this valuable? |
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ElusiveSanity |
57. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 6:33 PM EDT
"I think Scot does have a point about the shut down during combat. That could be fixed though with a retcon. She could write a new program for herself to better regulate her power supply.John's not about to go around having her shut down every time they... ahem... for 120 seconds. He's going to fix her up after talking to Derek about it... coming up soon. Do you find this valuable? |
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ElusiveSanity |
58. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 6:37 PM EDT
"I wasn't running you down. I was complaining about a bad move that the character made. Kind of like how people would complain about John being "mean" to Cameron...""John was in the future for 3 weeks. He learned a lot, but he's still just 17. He wasn't technically running the resistance, just a soldier. He does have a lot of growing up to do, but he's getting there. As for Cameron... it is explained in later chapters. It's not going to remain like that though. It's a problem with JH deleting her skynet coding, and her developing emotions. John's gonna fix it eventually... soon... Do you find this valuable? |
wilson_low |
59. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 7:18 PM EDT
"John's not about to go around having her shut down every time they... ahem... for 120 seconds. He's going to fix her up after talking to Derek about it... coming up soon. "Yes... every time they DO BATTLE, John GETS INJURED doing something silly to protect Cameron, and she OVER-REACTS to the point of POWER SURGE and SHUTDOWN... ;) Mmmm... I humbly suggest that we need at least one more CLIMACTIC (battle) scene before this story concludes!!! Of course i want to see Jameron happy and sharing a safe and mutually fulfilling experience during interc... um... er... when they fight their enemies.... With the anti-shutdown precautions in place this time! Do you find this valuable? |
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ElusiveSanity |
60. RE: Subtle Jameron fanfic
Jun 25 2009, 8:04 PM EDT
"Yes... every time they DO BATTLE, John GETS INJURED doing something silly to protect Cameron, and she OVER-REACTS to the point of POWER SURGE and SHUTDOWN...LOL yes of course... there will definitely be more climactic and mutually fulfilling battle scenes. Do you find this valuable? |
