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Location: ken's fanfiction: It WIll be Our Secret
Discussion: It will be our secret
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kencrum373 |
It will be our secret
Jun 13 2009, 3:07 AM EDT
| Post edited: Jun 18 2009, 5:02 AM EDT
This will be the thread for discussing/telling me what you think of my story. It is only a teaser right now but the first chapter should be done soon. I will update this post as I add more chapters. The story is my first ever attempt at fanfiction and one of few writing attempts I have made. So please let me know what you think and feel free to make suggestions. here is a link to the page with the teaser http://terminatorwiki.fox.com/page/ken%27s+fanfiction%3A+It+WIll+be+Our+Secret enjoy edit: chapter 1 is posted. 8 out of 8 found this valuable. Do you?
Keyword tags:
cameron
fanfiction
john
pilot
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thecrusadingknight |
1. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 13 2009, 4:23 PM EDT
I like the idea of Cameron giving John a ride home. I do think that this teaser is a little too jumpy. They go to the classroom, to lunch, and then the scene in the parking lot.Also, I don't think that John arranged it so that he had the same classes. Cameron arranged that, to be close to him in case Cromartie attacked. Why does John suddenly decide that he can be late today without his Mom worrying? We need a reason. Maybe he calls home and tells his Mom he's staying after school for help? Do you find this valuable? |
Enigma6482 |
2. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 13 2009, 4:28 PM EDT
I don't see John "looking" for Cameron when they 1st met (later on is a different story). In the opening scene's to TSCC John somewhat avoided her actually (at the same time not wanting her to avoid him). Also, yes Sarah would freak if John was late...lol Do you find this valuable? |
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PyroDude |
3. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 13 2009, 4:35 PM EDT
Is it going to be written like a script?
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kencrum373 |
4. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 14 2009, 3:40 AM EDT
"I like the idea of Cameron giving John a ride home. I do think that this teaser is a little too jumpy. They go to the classroom, to lunch, and then the scene in the parking lot.I know what you mean. This was just a slightly edited version of my microf ic but it works well for part of my story. These things will be addressed in more detail in the actual chapter. I promise. Do you find this valuable? |
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kencrum373 |
5. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 14 2009, 3:51 AM EDT
| Post edited: Jun 16 2009, 1:08 AM EDT
"Is it going to be written like a script?"I honestly don't know. I haven't planned on doing it that way because I have zero experience with that format but I might try we'll see. to be honest everyone I'm just glad people have rad it and didn't think it sucked. edit again: It is not a cript I have decided it won't be. It will be a normal style story. Do you find this valuable? |
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kencrum373 |
6. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 18 2009, 5:03 AM EDT
The first chapter is posted so go read and enjoy. Then come here say what yoou think.
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TK-MR |
7. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 18 2009, 8:35 AM EDT
Nice work. Keep update. Is this a one episode per week story? The start is very good, and i'm sure everyone want more ASAP. :D Do you find this valuable? |
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kencrum373 |
8. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 19 2009, 3:55 AM EDT
"Nice work.I plan on posting the chapters about once a week. I have summer classes so I might be a little slow some times but there wil be more. Do you find this valuable? |
Spawn77 |
9. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 19 2009, 4:01 AM EDT
Just read your fic, I really liking it. It will be interesting to see how close John and Cameron become and what happens when he finds out the truth about her. Can't wait for more! Update soon.
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athena98501 |
10. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 20 2009, 4:15 AM EDT
Hi Ken! You know I read it and loved it. I think John's awkwardness with Cameron is very sweet. I'm very excited to read the next chapter. Like the poster above, I am interested to see how John will discover that Cameron is a Terminator. :)
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NordWest |
11. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 21 2009, 2:09 PM EDT
It is a nice and realistic extension of the pilot. I liked it very much.
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kaotic |
12. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 21 2009, 2:15 PM EDT
"Hi Ken! You know I read it and loved it. I think John's awkwardness with Cameron is very sweet. I'm very excited to read the next chapter. Like the poster above, I am interested to see how John will discover that Cameron is a Terminator. :)"Same. Do you find this valuable? |
CamDer |
13. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 21 2009, 2:30 PM EDT
I liked it. Keep it up!!!!
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kencrum373 |
14. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 21 2009, 7:39 PM EDT
I plan to have ch 2 up on Tuesday night pacific time. Also I added the story to the best Jameron fanfic page so you can vote for it if you like it. hope to get feedback from you all on ch 2. :)
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Blazar |
15. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 22 2009, 6:31 AM EDT
I read your first ch and it was really good. It's interesting to see what will happen next. Still I have some things, which I need to say.It would make it easier to read this chapters if you will separate different parts from others. Like John come home from School and Sarah saw him or Sarah was thinking how difficult they have and next thing was that it was morning and breakfast. Of course you understand what happen, but it needs little time and more closely reading. At least I was confused at first. So, it might be better if you separete them with line or something like that. Then Sarah's and John's conversation. It was good and much like in pilot ep, which was good. Still it would have been better if there would have been some John's thoughts between Sarah's and John's conversation. For example, good way would have been to do John's thoughts just after Sarah asked about pretty girls and before John told about Cameron. It might be good to but some characters own thoughts to between those conversations. (imo.) Especially if this is going to be normal kind of story, there should be more characters own thoughts. Even between conversations. (This is only my opinion.) Then I like Cameron's and John's conversations. It's realistic. John wants to get to know Cameron, but still he tried to keep her away (that's way John leaves abruptly and like that). John is conflicted and it's not surprised in situation like he has. Still one thing, which I needed to ask, is that, when John will leave, abruptly, Cam's expression will changed and like that. So, is it because she is really sad/upset that John leaves or is that only that she doesn't need act/pretent anymore? Then How Human like your Cam is going to be? Is she same as in show that after John find out that Cameron is terminator, she stops pretending to be human. Do you find this valuable? |
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Blazar |
16. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 22 2009, 6:32 AM EDT
Continue...Why I see that this as important is that it seems that Cameron is going to be human like much longer than it was in show. How you will do that John finds out that Cameron is terminator? If Cameron is more human like and longer time it will be really shocking moment to John to find out that. Even more so to Sarah. Then even more interesting is that will Cameron still be more human like after they find out that she is terminator. (Still theses are for future chapters.) Then computer class and Cameron’s parent subject. Was that foster parents issue only for trick and distraction to get to closer to John? I think that huge part of it was that. That seemed to be great way to get closer to John. Use foster parents “trick”, because John knows how hard it’s to foster kids. Still it will hurt to John (or should hurt at least) when he finds out that it was only trick. Then does Cam use that foster parent part because future John ordered it or because she just wanted to use it by herself? Those have different outcome and they will impact differently to Cam’s and John’s later relationship. Then John asking Cameron out was great, but I think that little too early. I could see that it will have happened next day at school. Then again if Sarah will now be really angry for John and even denied that John couldn’t meet “this Cameron girl” anymore, this might lead to good rebellion moment for John. Still this depends on that how long Cameron true self stay hidden. Anyway I think that Sarah is going to be really angry. Anyway Good chapter and I can’t wait next one. Do you find this valuable? |
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kencrum373 |
17. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 24 2009, 6:31 PM EDT
Chapter 2 is up for your enjoyment. I hope you all like it. Sorry it's late but it needed more editing than the first one.
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kaotic |
18. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 24 2009, 6:42 PM EDT
I like the fan fic, but it's a little... what's the word too 'cute'. But that doesn't mean it's bad just different.
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Spawn77 |
19. RE: It will be our secret
Jun 25 2009, 3:26 AM EDT
I liked this chapter, their date was endearing. It seems (to me anyway) like Cameron wants to come clean with John but is afraid of what he will think. I’m eagerly awaiting Chapter three.
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